I need some catharsis

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What to do, what to do. I had a pretty horrid experience last night that is making me wonder if I have truly gone over the edge. Maybe my 3 readers can help me decide if I’m nuts. Last night, my youngest daughter had freshman orientation at the high school she will start next week. My older daughter will be a senior. A bit of backstory, this is the high school that I used to work at. I was there for 3 years teaching English and coaching cheerleading. When the second high school in our town was full, they needed to shift some people around to accommodate changing student populations, and they sent me back down to the middle school I had worked at previously. I was CRUSHED. I had worked for 10 years to finally get the job there, and I would have happily worked there until retirement. I questioned my worth as a teacher, and even as a person, when all of this went down.

So try to imagine going back up there with both of my kids to enroll them in the school that, in my view, threw me away. It SUCKS. I didn’t have to do much for my oldest because she isn’t a school spirit kind of girl. Don’t get me wrong, she’s in varsity choir and did yearbook for two years, so she is involved, just not in things I need to be up at the school for very often. Enter my little one. She made the dance team her freshman year. Which ROCKS. It will give her an immediate identity in that school, which is so important. It also means that I have be up at the school quite a bit more often than I have in the past.

It hurts.

It makes no logical sense. I love my job now more than I ever thought I could love a job, and I know I am where I am meant to be. But the resentment runs deep, my friends. When the AP that helped get rid of me pretended not to know me last night, when my daughter’s schedule wasn’t right and the counselor was kind of a jerk, when I realized we had waited all this time for her schedule, and she still wasn’t going to know where her classes were, well I just lost it. Full on tears of complete frustration. I despise that school, and it’s where my kids go. I know it hurts me more than it hurts anyone at that school, and I know it’s not right for my girls. I know all the logical things, but my darn emotions don’t care about logic, no matter how loudly I yell at them.

I’m hoping that writing about this brings me some catharsis about this topic. It can’t hurt, right?

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7 responses »

  1. You are an amazing teacher and like me, you wear your heart ❤️ on your sleeve. Remember who you are, where you are and what you have become since they threw you away. Yes, I said threw, because it truly is their loss. What you are feeling is sheer anxiety, but for what? These people are nothing to you and maybe I’m hitting a nerve with some but, I don’t know names or who they are however; it’s obvious to me you mean nothing to them by the way you described what happened. Shit, I would walk in there looking good and holding my head high because they lost one of the best and most brilliant English teachers they ever had. Screw em!!! Oh and don’t judge my writing I’m not college educated:). I love you girl and always remember YOU ARE!!!!! Better than them.

  2. Oh honey, I just went through something similar. I also gained 20 lbs from stress eating. No joke! What I learned is that resentment stays with you all day, everyday. If you live with resentment, you will not only bring yourself down but others down around you. Take a deep breath and learn to let it go. Remember one day your children will be off to college, so set aside any negative feelings you have toward the school and remember to live in the moment for your family. Turn negative into positive. That is what has gotten me through a very recent terrible experience. Oh and meditate!! xoxo!

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