Back on the wagon

Most of you know that I began a journey toward physical and mental health in May of 2016. I used the Atkins diet to help me with both because it is the right plan to help balance blood sugar and combat sugar crashes due to hypoglycemia. A great side effect is weight loss (one of the more pleasant side effects).

Recently I began to realize that I have become re-addicted to sugar as I haven’t been sticking to a strict plan because I don’t want to lose anymore weight. I know, what an awesome problem to have, right? Y’all, this sugar thing is no joke. Right before I got back on the wagon, I was craving sugar all day long. All I could think about was sweets. And it doesn’t help that my wonderful students gave me quite the array of chocolate and baked goods for Christmas. I had to eat them. I don’t want to hurt the kids’ feelings!

So as soon as I returned to work on January 2nd, I was determined to detox. I find that can control my food environment WAY better at work than at home. I have been meal planning for the last month and a half, so I just started planning my work breakfasts and lunches as well. Yesterday, I got to work in the kitchen pre-making all my food for this week. I made Cauliflower Breakfast Muffins (photo and recipe included below), tuna salad, and a Sausage and Cabbage Skillet meal (photo and recipe included) that fed us last night and made me 3 lunches for work. Never mind that I almost destroyed our kitchen in a sugar detox rage when I realized we didn’t have any mushrooms for another recipe I had planned to make. We’ll just concentrate on the positive.

I’m beginning this week with high hopes that no one brings cupcakes (like they did last week) or brownies to work. Hopefully I can spare my sweet family anymore sugar rages, but I make no promises.

I need some catharsis

What to do, what to do. I had a pretty horrid experience last night that is making me wonder if I have truly gone over the edge. Maybe my 3 readers can help me decide if I’m nuts. Last night, my youngest daughter had freshman orientation at the high school she will start next week. My older daughter will be a senior. A bit of backstory, this is the high school that I used to work at. I was there for 3 years teaching English and coaching cheerleading. When the second high school in our town was full, they needed to shift some people around to accommodate changing student populations, and they sent me back down to the middle school I had worked at previously. I was CRUSHED. I had worked for 10 years to finally get the job there, and I would have happily worked there until retirement. I questioned my worth as a teacher, and even as a person, when all of this went down.

So try to imagine going back up there with both of my kids to enroll them in the school that, in my view, threw me away. It SUCKS. I didn’t have to do much for my oldest because she isn’t a school spirit kind of girl. Don’t get me wrong, she’s in varsity choir and did yearbook for two years, so she is involved, just not in things I need to be up at the school for very often. Enter my little one. She made the dance team her freshman year. Which ROCKS. It will give her an immediate identity in that school, which is so important. It also means that I have be up at the school quite a bit more often than I have in the past.

It hurts.

It makes no logical sense. I love my job now more than I ever thought I could love a job, and I know I am where I am meant to be. But the resentment runs deep, my friends. When the AP that helped get rid of me pretended not to know me last night, when my daughter’s schedule wasn’t right and the counselor was kind of a jerk, when I realized we had waited all this time for her schedule, and she still wasn’t going to know where her classes were, well I just lost it. Full on tears of complete frustration. I despise that school, and it’s where my kids go. I know it hurts me more than it hurts anyone at that school, and I know it’s not right for my girls. I know all the logical things, but my darn emotions don’t care about logic, no matter how loudly I yell at them.

I’m hoping that writing about this brings me some catharsis about this topic. It can’t hurt, right?

Summers off? Ha!

“School Junk”

Books for my classroom library- aka: “school junk”

Curriculum planning

Have you ever dared to say these words- “You’re lucky you’re a teacher. You get the summers off”?  If so, you should be throat punched. Or maybe you need to know what most, not all, teachers do during the summer.

For the first week, we try to sleep in, but our internal clocks won’t let us, so we still wake up at the butt crack of dawn. We try to relax on the couch to un-fray our nerves from the last week of school, but we can’t really sit on the couch without feeling guilty about all the things we “should be doing”. Like cleaning, grocery shopping, entertaining our kids who are also on summer break. You know, parental stuff. Or, we should be planning the curriculum for next year because we won’t be teaching what we have taught for the last ten years, instead, we will be teaching two new classes, so we have get ready. Oh, and we’re moving classrooms, so we had to bring home all of our “school junk”- as my hubby likes to call it- so we really need to go through that and purge some of the materials we have had for 157 years and never touched. But do you know what we think when we contemplate doing any of this?

No, no, no, no, no…

So, of the 8 weeks we get for summer break, a couple are probably spent in some sort of professional development, maybe we go on a vacation with our family, and the other time is spent prepping, and planning, and combining, and curating, so that when we return, we have a chance to maintain our sanity.

Now, let me clarify. I LOVE my school. I am PUMPED to be teaching new classes because I get tired of hearing myself talk about the same things over and over. I am OVER THE MOON about my new room, and I have probably spent WAY too much on my vision for the new space- think flexible seating, coffee shop atmosphere, black/gold/silver/gray- it’s going to be so beautiful…I hope. So I have assigned many (okay all) of these tasks to myself. I could wait until we return to work on July 31st, but that is NOT how I roll. I am a planner extraordinaire, and I DO NOT fly by the seat of my pants if I can help it.

I guess I’m just trying to say that most teaching professionals that I know never stop working, they just aren’t in front of students for 9 weeks in a row. Instead they are anticipating the time when they will be in front of students again, and they want to make it as smooth a transition back into the school year as possible.

So if you see a teacher, please don’t utter that phrase. It’s insulting. It’s false. And it’s rude. Just say thank you, and maybe buy them a cocktail.

Are they ready?

 

As of next Thursday, my husband and I will have a senior and a freshman in high school. What? When did this happen?

Celebrating the tiny one’s 14th birthday

I’ve been thinking about this craziness for some time. My husband and I have talked extensively about the fact that we only have a couple more years with our girls under our roof. It’s TERRIFYING.

Have we prepared them? Have we sheltered them? Have we given them too much? Have we not given them enough? Can they make it in this crazy world, or should we move somewhere that lets you have basements in your house? Texas bedrock doesn’t allow for basements, and my hubby and I aren’t moving to another state, so that’s out. Let me just say, our girls are wonderful in many ways. They make good grades, they don’t do crazy stuff (that we know of), they like to spend time with us…and all of that is great. But have we instilled common sense? Do they have a good work ethic? Can they keep themselves safe? Is this world going to be harsh to them? I can’t answer those questions with any certainty, and it is maddening.

Our oldest hyperventilates at the thought of anything resembling adulting and HATES driving. Our youngest is convinced that she wants to move far away for college, and she is ready to drive NOW, even though she’s got a couple of years before that’s an option. Polar opposites, as usual. Sometimes I wonder how they could grow up in the same house with the same parents and end up so vastly different.

All of that aside, I’m not confident that either one of them will be okay because this world is MESSED UP. Have we given them the strength of character to make rational decisions in the face of pressure from others? Can they keep their living space clean enough to avoid contracting a flesh-eating virus? Can they navigate the grocery store and keep themselves fed? You think I’m kidding. I’m not.

And I did this. I guided them to this, right? Well, my husband and I. So WE, we did this. Did we cripple them by giving them too much of this and not enough of that? It’s keeping me up at night, this anxiety. And I can’t fix whatever I should fix because, number one, I don’t know what to fix, and number two, I only have a year to do that for the oldest. Not enough time. Never enough time.

You know what I can and will do? I will LOVE them. Fiercely. And if that means pushing them outside the comfort zone we have created so they can start to make their own decisions, then so be it. If it means that they get mad at me because I’m making them do things they don’t want to do, fine. I have to do this. I have to give them everything I can before they go out in the big, bad world.

I wish parenting came with a manual.

Happy Anniversary to me!

It’s been ONE YEAR! That is nothing short of amazing, my friends. 365 days that I have stuck with something. Ask my husband. It’s a freakin’ miracle.

The past couple of weeks my body has been rebelling and insisting that I eat sugar. Ice cream, chips, cookies…BAD, BAD, and more BAD. So I’m trying to reset, but I don’t want to lose anymore weight (mostly because I can’t afford new clothes). So I’m trying to make sure I don’t eat that stuff, but I am failing. Miserably. Last night, I ate three Girl Scout cookies that a well-meaning student gave me during Teacher Appreciation Week. I should have given them back. I ate three. Then I had a Drumstick ice cream treat about 15 minutes later. Did I mention the sugar cravings were bad?

Ugh. All those diet and lifestyle gurus who tell you, “It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change”. Psh. I always thought that was “new age bunk” (to quote my grandmother). Sadly, it seems to be true. So I will celebrate this momentous anniversary with my breakfast of egg muffins- not to be confused with delicious English muffins- and my lunch of baby food meat sticks, cheese, pickles, and Atkins chocolate. Be jealous.

I hope my kids know better than to get me chocolate for Mother’s Day.

Go home, you’re drunk.

Anyone from Texas knows that old saying, “If you don’t like the weather, wait 10 minutes, it will change.” Well, I understand that, but this is ridiculous. Go home, weather. You’re drunk. I think I’ve had a runny nose for 139 days now because our weather is so jacked up. And it makes the students I teach CRAZY. For example, if it starts raining, they act like they’ve never seen rain before, or they purposely run around in it, and then come into class dripping, and say “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe I got soaked!” Really, you can’t? Added to that, we only have 23 more school days left, and these kids are WIRED. And all my energy? Gone. Kaput. Nada.

Today, tomorrow, and Friday some of our students are on a field trip. That means, for 5 of my 6 classes, 2 or 3 students might show up. What am I supposed to do with that? Maybe they can help me pack boxes for the big classroom move at the end of the year. Is that against child labor or something? It probably is. So they will sit in my room doing Think Through Math on Chromebooks because I can’t teach them stuff that the other kids don’t get. I hope they don’t ask me questions. I’m allergic to math. I am a good teacher, though. When they get back from the trip, we have one week to prep for the state test, and I have already made all these cool stations that they can rotate through with a partner so they don’t get bored. They’ll like it because they won’t be stuck at their desks. See, I haven’t totally checked out. 🙂 I also have this little gem up my sleeve, so I’m all ready!

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Reading-STAAR-Review-Game-3038917

 

Feeling Entrepreneurial

Teachers sometimes need extra money. Did you know that? I mean, I know everyone thinks we make the big bucks because we educate the youth of America, but sadly, we don’t. I can’t even begin to address the fact that people that throw or kick a ball around makes millions of dollars while teachers worry about paying their mortgage, but hey, whatever.

Look at me, branding myself and stuff. 🙂

So to pad the old bank account, and to keep it from collecting cobwebs, I have a couple of part-time gigs. I just started selling curriculum that I have created on Teachers Pay Teachers. See my awesome store here:

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/Johnstons-Ela-Gems

I also do the website and manage the social media for my dad and stepmom’s distillery in South Texas, Hill Country Distillers. You can visit their Facebook page here:

https://www.facebook.com/hillcountrydistillers/

So, yeah. I’m an entrepreneur. But sometimes I feel like I completely embody the old saying, “Jack of all trades, and master of none.” I guess that’s not entirely true because I feel like I’m a pretty awesome teacher, but the other stuff, I could stand to learn more. Maybe if I learned more, I could branch out and get out of education, but I’m having such a good experience at the school where I teach, I’m okay with being a teacher until retirement. For now. But I have options! Maybe I’ll be that older woman going back to get a second degree so that I can learn more about the website/social media stuff. I could get a marketing degree. I could do business photography. I don’t know! There is whole world out there!

I love that my girls are seeing me do new things. I love that I can contribute to our household budget because Chris works so freakin’ hard. I love that I can pay down debt with money that is truly extra.  I love that I can put the Zulily app back on my phone and not feel bad looking at it every once in a while!!

Maybe I’ll become the new Joanna Gaines and have a curriculum/media/photography empire. People will make t-shirts!

Hey, everyone has to have a dream, right?

Full Disclosure

Many of you have shown an interest in beginning a journey to a healthier life. I applaud you! I must, however, be completely honest about what you may encounter. In the first three weeks of this journey, when you cannot have more than 20 carbs a day, no one and nothing with be safe from your wrath. 

I’m serious. 

About midway through the second week of induction, I was walking up the stairs in my house. I was not angry. No one had done anything to irritate me. I was calm. By the time I reached the top of the stairs, I was enraged. ENRAGED. I went into my bedroom and almost put our laundry basket through the wall. For no reason.

As you go through carb withdrawal, which is really sugar detox, your brain goes a little crazy. Maybe a lot crazy. Please do not kick your cat or scream at your spouse. The fact that they can still eat bread is not their fault. Just breathe, and redirect your energy/outrage. Clean the top floor of your house. Detail your car. Mow your neighbor’s lawn. Whatever. Just try to make it through without harming members of your inner circle.

That being said, I promise it gets better. By the end of the third week, you will have lost pounds, gained energy, and that crap will have left your system. Then the real work, of actually changing your diet, can begin. If it helps, you can be mad at me. I can take it, and I understand. Plus, I’m far enough away from most of you to be physically safe. 

Please don’t think I’m preaching to you. You will never know how many times in my life I tried to do this before it worked. Countless. I promise. No , really. Just get some Atkins chocolate, and hang in there.

My Cup Runneth Over

Before and after 🙂

It has been almost one full year since I began eating differently to try to manage my energy level. It was the first time I didn’t try to eat differently to lose weight, but to actually feel better. The weight loss has been a nice side effect, but it wasn’t the goal when I began. I can tell you, in my life I have probably tried every diet from cabbage soup to NutriSystem, and this is the only time in all these years that it has ever stuck. I think it is because I began looking at food in two separate categories: what makes me feel better and what makes me feel awful. When I started realizing that food could make me feel bad, i.e. tired, cranky, lethargic, etc., I started making better choices. Forty pounds later, I think I’m actually smaller now than I was in high school! I’m thankful that my husband was willing to support this crazy journey and eat the stuff that I put in front of him. He has been my biggest cheerleader!

My beautiful babies

These two cuties are so amazing. My oldest will be a SENIOR next year (how the heck did that happen?) and my youngest just made the high school dance team (she will be a freshman next year). Oh. My. Gosh. Life is moving WAY to fast for me right now. I think my husband is even more freaked out than I am. He doesn’t like the thought of the baby girls getting bigger.

Life is sweet, and I’m so grateful for it. We have been through some trying times, but things are definitely on the up (knock on wood). I want to thank the lovely ladies on my Facebook board “I Can Eat That”. They have helped with my recipes and tips and encouragement while I’ve been on this food journey. I also want to say that the encouragement and positivity that I have found on my board “I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends” has been so instrumental in keeping a positive outlook. It’s so nice to have a group of ladies behind me building each other up and posting positive, uplifting things for each other to see during what might be a tough day.

I know this post isn’t written in my usual snarky tone, but I needed to take a minute to be sincerely grateful for the good things going on in my life and my family’s life.

I would love to hear comments from you guys. Post away!

A Thing of Beauty

This makes my teacher heart happy 🙂

Isn’t it pretty? I just love looking at it in all its color-coded glory. What you are looking at is every SE from the TEKS for 7th grade ELA laid out and put in order for the year. Yep, I’m that girl. Give me some butcher paper and post-its, and I’ll make you the prettiest YAG you’ve ever seen! I finished this yesterday during my conference period, and my heart was happy the rest of the day.

That’s me. I’m a planner. You could say it’s one of my biggest strengths, but it’s also a huge weakness. I prepare for stuff, but then when that stuff doesn’t happen, or someone throws a wrench in my stuff, I freak out. Don’t throw me curve balls because I can’t hit them! I live and die by my calendar, and my lists, and my plans.

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be able to fly by the seat of my pants and be okay with that. Somewhere along the way, spontaneity became difficult for me. Here’s what that does- it makes you turn down invitations from friends because you had it in your head you wouldn’t have anything to do. Sometimes I wonder how I even have friends. I mean, I know I’m pretty awesome, and I can be hilarious, and I throw a mean get together. But I say no to my friends so often. Bless them, they keep asking. Thank goodness for that. They all deserve medals!

So here’s to my teachers out there looking to their next year of school, and to all of my sweet friends who have stuck with me. Love to you all!